I cant do a single thing right in her eyes. I do everything I’m asked, everything she wants and yet everything isn’t good enough. I can’t go out without her by my side, I can’t talk to anyone, can’t look how I want to look, how I’ve always looked, can’t buy anything unless its for her or I have her approval, I even get made to feel like shit when I eat what I want! I bet in no time I’ll get made to feel guilty for having a coffee at lunch time and that by having one Im showing I don’t love her or care! I mean come on! I can’t mention Ot though, no way! Id get really put down and I’ll just end up hating myself more. I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t make her happy. I can’t be happy. What’s happened. Just the other day things were great. Now I just cry, for ages until I cry myself to sleep. I love her but its killing me. I’m so confused. I’m broken. I’m weak.
- 1/3 of me: I wanna be fit and sexy and have a flat stomach and be lean and have lots of muscle.
- 1/3 of me: I wanna be skinny and tiny and dainty and delicate and bony and frail and look cute in everything.
- 1/3 of me: I wanna not give a shit about what I look like and be happy instead.
Pretty positive nobody would care if i relapsed right now. Why would they? Im nothing. Absolutely nothing. I am another set of bones strolling through life. Ill turn to dust one day and that day can be so very soon. I can’t save myself and nobody else wants to, who would want to? Im a useless set of bones who strolls aimlessly without a purpose.